Righteous indignation at my unrighteousness

I'm tired of being angry with everyone else. I am constantly mad at idiotic drivers, armchair theologians, fundamentalist assholes and well meaning people who do stupid things.

So I’m at Catalyst this year (http://www.catalystconference.com) and Bill Hybels gets up to talk. I have both despised and revered this man for decades. I hate him because his church is bigger than mine. I revere at him because his church is bigger than mine.

Well, he gets up to speak and I am humbled beyond belief. He begins to reflect on the journey he has been on for 30 years and takes no credit for the success, but marvels at God’s grace.

In the midst of it he says something powerful. Besides telling 9000 church leaders that they are screwed up and that they need professional therapy (dude, I wish I had the guts to do that and receive it as well), he says that the emergent church generation is angry and needs to deal with it.

Me, angry, hell no! Do you ever have one of those moments where you hear something and you immediately react with incredulity and then something pierces you to the core and you know in your heart of hearts that they are right? I hate it when that happens. And it happened with Bill. Hit me right between the eyes. I’m angry. But it’s not all bad.

I’m mad because I feel like I am cleaning up after a mess someone else made of Christianity. I’m mad because in some ways the Church has oversold itself and undersold God. I’m mad because the world is mad at me and I didn’t do anything. I’m mad because I was told that right theology and right living were the answer and it’s not. Jesus is the answer and his theology and way of living don’t always work in the church. And I’m mad because I am tired of being mad.

So I am saying I am sorry for being mad. Sorry to the pastors and church leaders. Sorry to the world and those who misunderstand me. Sorry to the body of Christ and to God. Forgive me for my impatience and self centered thinking. I want to be more like Christ and look with Heavens eyes at everyone around me.

Today I choose love. And the next time someone crosses me, I won’t be angry. I’ll just beat the ever livin’ crap out of them and go in peace. And I won’t be angry anymore.