Not Easier, But Better

A friend of mine called yesterday because he’s struggling in his marriage. They have been married for 10 years and he misses his independence. He shared about his frustrations with his wife (some of it legitimate) and his lack of freedom.

“I think it would be easier and I would be happier if I was single.”

I can’t argue with that. There is a lot of truth in the statement. Paul, the Apostle, said it’s better to be single than married. Wedding another person determines your availability to others. It sets your priorities. It fills your schedule and empties your pocket book.

You have to learn to compromise, cooperate and live in community in its most intimate sense. You have to put your spouse’s needs before your own and you have to love them above anyone and anything on earth.

Marriage in neither for the faint of heart nor the self consumed. It is the hardest contractual agreement one can enter into and it is a disaster waiting to happen before the words, “I do” are even uttered. That being said, I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

Sure, life might be easier, but I wouldn’t be better off single.

The greatest lessons in life I have learned in my marriage. My understanding of real love has come from matrimony. I value others because I have learned about relationship by being in community with someone through tragedy and triumph over an extended period of time.

It’s not easy, but then again neither is climbing a mountain to see a Colorado sunset. It’s not easy writing a song or painting a picture, but the end result makes the process worth it.

I have the fortune of being married to an amazing woman in a relationship that others only envy. But it has come with a price. 22 years of hard work and continuous daily maintenance. I live with my best friend, sleep with the most beautiful female on the planet and I get a front row seat to watch the life of the Godliest person I know. And they are all the same person; my wife.

What we have, we have because of the grace of God and a lot of hard work. Luck, fortune and chance have nothing to do with it. We didn’t fall into a good marriage, we climbed into it.

That being said, not every marriage works; some last 20 years, some 20 days. But, barring abuse and mental problems, I believe any marriage can succeed if both people are willing to work at it, but it is a choice; a hard choice, but a choice ripe with reward for those who choose to make a go at it. I am no expert, just someone who has experienced the good and bad of marriage. And I’m not only a spokesperson for it; I’m a beneficiary of it as well. (I sound like the president of the Hair Club for Men).