The Terrifying Spiral of Doom

Sounds like a ride at Magic Mountain, but it’s something a lot closer to us all than we care to acknowledge.

Have you ever seen Larry-Boy and the Fib from Outer Space? The guys at Big Idea got this one right with a Veggie Tales story of a lie that just keeps getting bigger and spins out of control. Well the other day, I had a similar experience, but it wasn’t a lie, rather something I did wrong and what I did to try to “fix” it.

Let me explain. On New Years Eve, we were having friends over for a celebration and my wife was getting her hair done (no, this has nothing to do with her hair) and I was getting the house ready. I knew she was going to do a lot of cooking so I was trying to put stuff in order.

Our mixer does not fit on our kitchen counter because it is too tall to fit under the decorative scallops beneath the cabinets. But if you cut out a section of the scallops, it will fit. You can see where I am going with this. So I did it. I didn’t call Donna. I didn’t wait till she got home. I just did it. My bad. I got impulsive and I acted.

It’s not that I don’t have the right to make changes my kitchen, but how hard would it have been to wait and check with Donna first. I was a dork.

Well, what started out as a mistake quickly escalated to defensiveness. The spiral was growing. I realized that I should have waited so I tried to figure out how make it not-so-bad. I slid the mixer into place and pretended nothing happened and figured if she didn’t see it then I would be able to justify my actions.

She didn’t notice all day. She cooked an entire meal, spending 5 hours in the kitchen and never saw it. I now had fuel for my fire.

The next day we were making breakfast and I heard Donna say, in a lout voice, “what?” I was busted. I explained the situation and used the previous day to justify my actions, but it didn’t work. No duh Sherlock. What was I thinking?

It didn’t get any better the next day and I started to get mad. Donna questioned why I would rather ask forgiveness than permission and I told her I didn’t do it to hurt her. I felt attacked so I took it to an even higher level of defense. The spiral was now a whirling funnel of destruction.

They always say a good defense is a better offence. Well, that isn’t the case in relationships. I started getting offensive. I brought up times when she did things without asking permission. Wrong move! Not because she got mad, but because it’s the wrong thing to do.

What started out as a stupid mistake got turned, by me, into a character attack. I don’t like when I get defensive. It’s ugly.

We decided to table the discussion till we could spend a chunk of time processing through it. With four children home for the holidays and a boyfriend and exchange student in the house as well, it was hard to find time to talk.

On Sunday we went out to eat and we laid it all out. It was hard to see the progression of events, but I was able to observe how I spun out of control and had to admit that I blew it. Donna saw where she misinterpreted my initial actions and we were able to restore the relational connection.

I hate being wrong. It hurts to know that there are things I need to change. But I don’t want to be complacent with areas of my life where I need to grow. Scripture says that faithful are the wounds of a friend. Donna is my best friend. What she says hurts sometimes. Not because she is mean, but because she loves me.

Life is hard. Make sure you have someone you trust along with you for the journey. I am not the same person I was 25 years ago when I met Donna. She makes me a better man. And by God’s grace, we are both better people day by day.

Will I get caught in the terrifying spiral of doom in the future? Unfortunately, probably. But I hope, by God’s grace, I will be able to see it sooner and maybe even squelch it before it raises its ugly head. Life is process and journey. Sometime you do things wrong and stray off the path. That’s why we have friends. We need each other, everyday.