Things you never want to hear
After you've fallen off your bike and face planted in the asphalt, you don't want to hear someone say, "is your nose supposed to look like that?". While your vacuuming under the couch and you feel a thump in the vacuum line, you don't want to hear your child ask, "have you seen my gerbil?
I got a call the other day from a neighbor of one of the houses that my office manages that is vacant. We have had homeless people trespass before and the neighbor was calling to let me know there was someone on the property.
So I'm inspecting the house for a possible intruder and I walk up to a playhouse in the backyard and I hear a noise. I can see a beach towel hanging in the open doorway and there is space below for me to see in. What I see is slightly disturbing.
A exposed foot, then thigh, then buttock of a man is visible and I'm thinking, "great, I got a naked homeless guy to deal with." Well, if it were just that, it would have been a lot easier. "Is someone there?," I blurt out with a little reservation. What I heard next left me wishing I never showed up. "We're not wearing any clothes."
I'm sorry, but my job did not include a clause for dealing with naked people trespassing. Fixing broken windows, changing locks, posting signs; those are the things I am paid to do. Naked people are not in the job description.
So I told them they would have to get dressed and leave immediately. And then it got even worse. A young woman emerged with her top on inside out and backward. She apologized and explained that she was 21 and that her parents did not approve of her sleeping with her boyfriend before they were married. I told her that they had to find somewhere else and she apologized again. As we were talking, her boyfriend quickly exited the playhouse and got in their car and left with her.
As I reentered the house, I found his wallet left behind and then the ultimate "now that is really wrong" thing happened. His drivers license showed his age as 57. No wonder the her mom disapproved.
Now as a pastor, I have had to deal with a lot of crazy things, but as a property inspector, I have to say, this one tops them all.
If you have a better story, let me hear it. I need something to change the picture in my head.
I got a call the other day from a neighbor of one of the houses that my office manages that is vacant. We have had homeless people trespass before and the neighbor was calling to let me know there was someone on the property.
So I'm inspecting the house for a possible intruder and I walk up to a playhouse in the backyard and I hear a noise. I can see a beach towel hanging in the open doorway and there is space below for me to see in. What I see is slightly disturbing.
A exposed foot, then thigh, then buttock of a man is visible and I'm thinking, "great, I got a naked homeless guy to deal with." Well, if it were just that, it would have been a lot easier. "Is someone there?," I blurt out with a little reservation. What I heard next left me wishing I never showed up. "We're not wearing any clothes."
I'm sorry, but my job did not include a clause for dealing with naked people trespassing. Fixing broken windows, changing locks, posting signs; those are the things I am paid to do. Naked people are not in the job description.
So I told them they would have to get dressed and leave immediately. And then it got even worse. A young woman emerged with her top on inside out and backward. She apologized and explained that she was 21 and that her parents did not approve of her sleeping with her boyfriend before they were married. I told her that they had to find somewhere else and she apologized again. As we were talking, her boyfriend quickly exited the playhouse and got in their car and left with her.
As I reentered the house, I found his wallet left behind and then the ultimate "now that is really wrong" thing happened. His drivers license showed his age as 57. No wonder the her mom disapproved.
Now as a pastor, I have had to deal with a lot of crazy things, but as a property inspector, I have to say, this one tops them all.
If you have a better story, let me hear it. I need something to change the picture in my head.
posted by Spiritual Traveler at 5:52 AM
1 Comments:
I've seen a few things in life - and some I don't want to remember but cannot forget - but your occupational hazard tops them for sure.
It's one of those things like where you need to read Calvin and Hobbes late at night after a really scary dream. Anything to clear the image - both the image you saw and the idea of how both people are not really thinking...with their brains.
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