Cool Hand Luke Syndrome

If you’ve seen the movie, you know the line. You may know the line and have never seen the movie. Paul Newman was a convict determined to be free. The warden was a man committed to keeping order. The two were destined to clash. (I have to give a quick side note. I watched the movie the other day with my teenage kids and they asked if that was the guy who made the salad dressing. Sadness.)

“What we have here…is a failure to communicate.” That line clarified the gaping chasm between the warden and Luke over expectations and presuppositions.

We all have been in this situation before. He said, she said, he heard, she heard. Sometimes what is spoken is not what is heard and what is said is not what was meant. Language is one thing. Communication is a whole other issue.

I “ask” my kids to help clean up. They “hear” that dad wants them to do unnecessary manual labor. My wife “asks” if an outfit looks ok. I “hear” that she wants me to give my opinion. I tell her the truth that “it’s” not that great. She hears that I think “she” looks ugly.

Women aren’t wrong for asking. Men aren’t wrong for saying. We just need to hear with different ears and speak more than words. If only life were that simple. Our need to be understood both as a hearer and a talker is profound. But our bent toward imperfection is great. Somewhere in between words floating through the air, meanings get convoluted and feelings get hurt.

So much of communication is based in relationship. Without context, there cannot be language. Without relationship, there cannot be communication. If I don’t know you, it is a lot more difficult to communicate effectively without misunderstandings and misgivings.

Now bring God into the picture and we begin to see where things really go wrong. God says “Do not get drunk with wine, but be filled with the Holy Spirit. He is trying to tell us that Spirit empowerment is so much better than that euphoric feeling after a little too much wine, but we here, “Do not drink.” God says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and don’t lean on what you know. In all your ways acknowledge Him and he will direct your path.” He is trying to tell us that he will help us find our way, but we here “Do what I say.” As if we are little children who don’t know anything.

God’s ways can only be understood in the context of relationship. Like a parent telling a child what to do, it’s out of a loving relationship that wants the best for the child. Communication is a learned discipline, forged over time from continuous interaction and responsiveness on both sides.

If I’m not hearing God well, it’s probably because I’m not continuously connecting with him. I know he hears me. I know he understands me. If we have “a failure to communicate,” I think I need to get reconnected and spend some quality time in his presence. Time with him brings a clarity to what he says and a preciousness to what we have.