Things you never want to hear

After you've fallen off your bike and face planted in the asphalt, you don't want to hear someone say, "is your nose supposed to look like that?". While your vacuuming under the couch and you feel a thump in the vacuum line, you don't want to hear your child ask, "have you seen my gerbil?

I got a call the other day from a neighbor of one of the houses that my office manages that is vacant. We have had homeless people trespass before and the neighbor was calling to let me know there was someone on the property.

So I'm inspecting the house for a possible intruder and I walk up to a playhouse in the backyard and I hear a noise. I can see a beach towel hanging in the open doorway and there is space below for me to see in. What I see is slightly disturbing.

A exposed foot, then thigh, then buttock of a man is visible and I'm thinking, "great, I got a naked homeless guy to deal with." Well, if it were just that, it would have been a lot easier. "Is someone there?," I blurt out with a little reservation. What I heard next left me wishing I never showed up. "We're not wearing any clothes."

I'm sorry, but my job did not include a clause for dealing with naked people trespassing. Fixing broken windows, changing locks, posting signs; those are the things I am paid to do. Naked people are not in the job description.

So I told them they would have to get dressed and leave immediately. And then it got even worse. A young woman emerged with her top on inside out and backward. She apologized and explained that she was 21 and that her parents did not approve of her sleeping with her boyfriend before they were married. I told her that they had to find somewhere else and she apologized again. As we were talking, her boyfriend quickly exited the playhouse and got in their car and left with her.

As I reentered the house, I found his wallet left behind and then the ultimate "now that is really wrong" thing happened. His drivers license showed his age as 57. No wonder the her mom disapproved.

Now as a pastor, I have had to deal with a lot of crazy things, but as a property inspector, I have to say, this one tops them all.

If you have a better story, let me hear it. I need something to change the picture in my head.

Family Time

When I was a kid, I used to look forward to Sunday nights. It was Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom and The Wonderful World of Disney. As I got older, it was The Walton’s. Our family would curl up on the couch and enjoy some family fun. We all looked forward to it.

My family has a similar night. It’s Monday night. Only we watch shows about mutant heros and homeland security involving a computer geek. Our shows are a bit more violent and a lot more twisted. Am I a bad dad?

My Cherry Tree

I almost told a lie the other day.

My work had asked me to do something and I completely forgot. When one of my co-workers called me and asked about it, we both realized that we forgot and it was suggested that I make something up so we both wouldn't get in trouble. It would have been an easy cover up.

The problem I faced was not that I didn't want to get caught, but that I didn't want it to come back on the company I work for. If it were found out, it could jeopardize our reputation. I didn't want to take that chance just to cover up my bad.

I ended up calling my boss and telling the truth, only to find out that my boss took some of the blame and said that it wasn't that important. Go figure.

Telling the truth doesn't always conclude with an easy ending, but it sure beats the alternative. I guess George Washington is an example to us all.

A Resolute Community

As I pedal my eliptical, arms swaying in harmony, I can't help but notice that Bally's is a little more crowded this first Monday of the year. And I thought I was the only person with new resolutions. I guess I'm glad I'm not alone. Good luck to all.

Written from the Blackberry again. It's a good way to distract my mind from the extreme pain of working out...NOT!

"Stingray" Resurrected

I have made some new unexpected friends in recent weeks. A Palestinian, a former gang banger, a woman who runs a halfway house for ex-cons and recently divorced trucker. None of them know each other and I am their only common link. All of them have been in dire straights recently and I met them during these times.

There used to be a show in the mid 80's called "Stingray," where a guy used to help people in trouble by calling in favors from people he had helped in the past. I feel like my new friends are those kind of people. And all I have done was be nice to them during difficult circumstances.

Imagine what the world would be like if we all just treated people with respect instead of using them for our own gain. People matter. I think I have heard that before. Oh wait, I think I blogged about it in the past. Funny how some things never change.

The Scenic Route?

Whenever someone says, "let's take the scenic route," you know that means that it's going to be the long way. The scenic route is never the short cut. By nature, the short cut is the ugly, brief path.

God never takes the short cuts. By nature, He is a scenic route kind of God. So, by plan, He takes His time. All throughout scripture, God goes the long way.

Sometime ago, God invited me to something different and only after several years am I beginning to realize that it was His intention to take me on the "scenic" route. And though I use the term "scenic" loosely, I see the value of Him taking His sweet time getting me there.

So as I sit and listen to "We Know That You Are God" by All Together Separate, I am choosing to see the forest through the trees and to stop and smell the flowers along the way. Slow me down Lord, slow me down. I don't want to miss a thing.

To Blackberry or not to Blackberry

I'm not sure if my Blackberry is a curse or a blessing. It frees me up, but it keeps work too close. And, of course, this was written from my Blackberry.

Too many ideas, so little follow through

If I implemented 10% of the ideas I have in my head, I'd likely have way to many things to do. Maybe that's what holds me back. I need to figure out a way to sell my ideas. Can you make money selling ideas? You probably can if you develop enough of them to get peoples attention.

I enjoy new beginnings. Mondays, mornings and New Years are especially fun for me. So the first Monday morning of the New Year should be my favorite day. Who knows what it will bring.

Maybe I will try one of my new ideas. Maybe I'll shake things up a little. I guess we will just have to see.

Far too long between posts

I have decided to make some New Years resolutions. I don't usually do them, but I thought I would try something different. You know what they say about insanity. Well, I'm not doing the same thing anymore.

My first resolution is to eat less and exercise more. One serving of food and 4 times a week to the gym or equivalent workout at home. I gotta lose another 20 pounds around the waist.

Secondly, I want to start tithing again. After leaving the church and starting something different, I convinced myself that my tithe was my service to God. Though I give myself some grace for the last year, I think it's time to give to what I believe in.

Next, I am going to write more. Rather than a few long blog entries, I want to do a daily journal of my year of living dangerously. And when I say dangerously, I mean trying something new and beyond the norm.

So while I sit here feverishly typing this post in the early hours of the new year, I am going to quickly save and post it before I change my mind. Here's to New Years resolutions and living on the edge. The edge of insanity, that is. Tee hee.