Not Easier, But Better

A friend of mine called yesterday because he’s struggling in his marriage. They have been married for 10 years and he misses his independence. He shared about his frustrations with his wife (some of it legitimate) and his lack of freedom.

“I think it would be easier and I would be happier if I was single.”

I can’t argue with that. There is a lot of truth in the statement. Paul, the Apostle, said it’s better to be single than married. Wedding another person determines your availability to others. It sets your priorities. It fills your schedule and empties your pocket book.

You have to learn to compromise, cooperate and live in community in its most intimate sense. You have to put your spouse’s needs before your own and you have to love them above anyone and anything on earth.

Marriage in neither for the faint of heart nor the self consumed. It is the hardest contractual agreement one can enter into and it is a disaster waiting to happen before the words, “I do” are even uttered. That being said, I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

Sure, life might be easier, but I wouldn’t be better off single.

The greatest lessons in life I have learned in my marriage. My understanding of real love has come from matrimony. I value others because I have learned about relationship by being in community with someone through tragedy and triumph over an extended period of time.

It’s not easy, but then again neither is climbing a mountain to see a Colorado sunset. It’s not easy writing a song or painting a picture, but the end result makes the process worth it.

I have the fortune of being married to an amazing woman in a relationship that others only envy. But it has come with a price. 22 years of hard work and continuous daily maintenance. I live with my best friend, sleep with the most beautiful female on the planet and I get a front row seat to watch the life of the Godliest person I know. And they are all the same person; my wife.

What we have, we have because of the grace of God and a lot of hard work. Luck, fortune and chance have nothing to do with it. We didn’t fall into a good marriage, we climbed into it.

That being said, not every marriage works; some last 20 years, some 20 days. But, barring abuse and mental problems, I believe any marriage can succeed if both people are willing to work at it, but it is a choice; a hard choice, but a choice ripe with reward for those who choose to make a go at it. I am no expert, just someone who has experienced the good and bad of marriage. And I’m not only a spokesperson for it; I’m a beneficiary of it as well. (I sound like the president of the Hair Club for Men).

Can you tell I have too much time on my hands today?

Actually I am just catching up. I had a couple of these articles already written, I just haven't had time to post lately. Anyway, read on.

Billboards for Jesus

So I’m working out at the gym, trying to loose my ‘love handles”, and I see a guy I know from my kids school. He’s an athlete and his kids can kick my kids butt any day of the week. I have no problem admitting it. It’s true.

Anyway, we strike up a conversation, while doing leg lifts, about exercise and getting into shape and he says, “we need to be good billboards for Jesus.” I almost threw up in my mouth.

I’m sorry, well, no I’m not, but I don’t work out to “look good for Jesus.” I know a lot of ugly people that are great “billboards for Christ.” Jesus himself was not anything to look at according to scripture. It is funny how we want to make him handsome and white.

Now I will agree that a dirty homeless man yelling in a drunken stupor that Jesus is coming soon is not the best advertisement for the Gospel, but I sure don’t subscribe to the notion that if we had more “beautiful” people as Christians, then we would get more people to accept Christ.

This world is full of beautiful screwed up people. We need real people who are genuinely in love with Jesus who reflect that love relationship to others. His comment made me want to go back to pigging out and get a beer belly just to be ornery. But that wouldn’t be very Christ-like. Damn.

In our weakness, He is strong. I am holy because He is holy. We love because He first loved us. Anything that is good in me is because Jesus did it. Not by might, not by power, but by His Spirit. The Good News is that Jesus changes us on the inside. I sure as heck didn’t get better looking when I accepted Christ.

If I am to truly reflect Christ, it will not be because I have a great body, not that I wouldn’t mind having one. The image of God in me will come when I loose myself, deny myself and die to myself and find myself in Him. Only then will He truly show through and my “billboard” will shine bright. And I’m thinking the bigger I am (Hello Twinkies) the brighter I will shine. Anyone want to go witnessing at Krispy Kreme?

Risking it all (postscript) - ok I thought I was done

I guess in all honesty I need to tell the whole story. See, I forgot something while I was getting ready to jump. I thought a lot about how I would react in different situations. I thought about what it would be like. I even though about writing out the adventure it after it was over. The one thing I didn’t think about was that I sometimes get motion sickness. Truthfully, rollercoaster’s, riding in the back seat and ships at sea make me really sick. I haven’t gotten sick on a plane for several years, but it happens. So you think I would have thought about it at some point, but no, not me. At least not until we rolled out of the plane.

As I rolled out of the plane I could feel my stomach do a summersault and totally remind me that I get motion sick. It wasn’t too bad at first. I just kept breathing deep and enjoying the view.

After the chute deployed it got a little stronger. I think the sudden change of speed got me, but it was when we made a quick turn that I knew that I was not going to make it to the landing before my milk and cookies were going to resurface.

I calmly told the instructor that I was going to throw up and I made sure that I did it straight down so it wouldn’t get on him. I’ve never thrown up while moving fast in mid air.

I wasn’t as much humiliated as I was bummed that the camera man cut out the barfing footage and pictures. I thought it would have been great. “Brave Bozo Barfs Big” or “Perky Pastor Pukes Pistachios while Parachuting” would have been the title of my video. It’s the story of my life. More comical than heroic. But I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I might have divine bravery, but I have a human stomach.

I just hope the parallels of skydiving and my leap of faith don’t completely coincide or I may see my lunch coming back up real soon. Wait a second…I’m feeling a little queasy. I’ll be right back. J

If you want to see me during the free fall, go to http://www.realxstream.com?XStreamID=86883&Vid=1

I do have a picture with chunks all over my shirt, but I thought posting it may be a little tacky. Anyone interested in seeing it can email me. I wear my colors with pride.

Risking it all (conclusion)

I didn’t realize how loud skydiving was till we started falling. It’s 45 seconds of yelling, if you want to talk. I had so much to do, I didn’t have time to worry. Roll out on three, arch your back, raise your arms, wrap your legs around the instructor behind you, watch your altimeter and pull the chute at 6000 feet. Simple.

You are so high up there is no sense of eminent danger. The ground is far away and it would feel like slow motion if it weren’t for the air rushing by at 120 mph. After 45 seconds and about 6000 feet of falling I got the tap on the shoulder to pull the chute. A little jerking around and then it was peaceful and calm. The rest of the ride was simply a scenic tour of the area till the smooth landing. That was it. I wanted the jump to be more exciting. Maybe a tangled chute or a faulty cord. Nope. Just smooth sailing. I have had more exhilarating God experiences.

I’m not afraid right now. I have no job and even better, what I feel God calling me to does not have any foreseeable financial viability in the near future, but I’m not afraid. People keep asking me if I am excited. Yes, but I don’t feel it much. It’s kind of like the sensation I had falling out of the airplane. There is so much to think about and do, that I just focused on the task. God has everything taken care of so I am not worried. I have a lot of work to do, but the fear is not there.

I am a little disappointed that it isn’t more exciting. I guess fighting a dragon instead of filling out IRS forms would be fun, but such is life. I am feeling the anticipation of seeing something come together and watching the details fall into place for what I have dreamed of is fulfilling. The excitement will come when we see our first effort realized. When we see people being impacted and lives changed, then the thrill will be there. Until then, I plug away at building the foundation for making it happen.

Am I risking it all? Absolutely. Does it feel like everything is on the line? Not right now. Our bills are all paid. We have a roof over our heads. My jump instructor (another metaphor for God that I am not completely comfortable with) has given me complete confidence in his ability to guide me to safety. In some ways I feel like I am just along for the ride. But it’s a ride worth taking. I recommend you try it sometime. The view is amazing.